I began this post about 3am the other morning. I fell asleep in the middle of it so I wasn’t going to post it but…. well here’s where my mind was at the time.
Round these times my mind tends to roam, guess that’s why I’ve never been too keen of the country. Too much stillness in the air with no choice but to face those loud and intruding thoughts. Tonight my thoughts make me angry without action. A leaf in my life once said something about dealing with swine. While I don’t remember the exact saying, basically, it summed up to stop selling yourself short for individuals that don’t deserve you. The saying stuck with me though the leaf flew away. That’s what leaves do. And tonight, for the first time almost ever in my life, I feel something that is hard to explain. I want to line up all of the women that has crossed my path and read them individually… And why I am having this delayed feeling, well who knows. Call it acute post traumatic stress disorder because it’s been way longer than six months and my symptoms are textbook right about now.
I am mad at myself for having wasted such precious time of my life for women that I knew were never meant to be. Sorry for being caught up in the superficial. What looked, smelt, and felt good. Caught up in things that fade away with time. Dopamine at its finest… I have often fell head over heels in love with temporary solutions to permanent problems. Somewhere along the line I allowed my silly self to get caught up into believing that I had to deal with sub par behavior just for the sake of holding on so that eventually I would be identified as a good woman. B*tch please.
I am tired of coming across women that believe that their p*ssy rectifies every situation they encounter. There is no special concoction between your legs that grants instant pardon for what your character lacks. And truth be told… I faked it 90% of the time which means that the majority of the time the poems I wrote was about myself, not you. You can not lick, stick, suck, or f*ck it in a manner that causes me to forget… me.
And that is where I drifted off to sleepy land. Maybe i’ll come back and revisit this post… If not then it is what it is.