Finding Me, Losing Her

Sometimes I miss her. And I know it’s been a while and I said I wouldn’t even bother going over this but it’s the truth. I can go without talking, seeing, or even kicking it with her but I can not convince my heart not to miss her. It’s been years, years and the truth is still the same? I miss the many conversations we would have on what we would do with our lives and the trips we would take. I miss us planning the type of family we would have and the way we would raise our children.

 I know that I am over the relationship and I have no desire to have her back but I can say that I miss the idea of what we could have been. Have you ever tried to convince yourself to stop thinking about or loving someone? I have and it’s almost impossible. I have resolved to the fact that once you allow someone in beyond a certain point, they become a part of you. Then again, I am a Scorpio and once I give, I seemingly give it all.

What happened between us? Right idea, wrong time. It wasn’t our season. For many seasons after, I honestly believed that we would get back together. I held it in my heart and prayed and prayed that we would have another chance but like Fiona on Shrek 4, I got tired of waiting. I realized the only way I was going to go on was to do so by myself. So I picked myself up and did what I had to. Not talking to her has been harder than I ever imagined but every day gets better. For a long time, I measured everyone against her. I don’t believe she ever really knew how much she meant to me. Its days like this, when it’s rainy and gray outside that I see her running around the apartment jumping on the couch and playing Maxwell. Lol. She had a free spirit. That free spirit is also part of the reason I don’t believe she’ll ever belong to only one woman.

 I wonder if she has found happiness in her current relationship. If she hasn’t then I pray she finds the strength to leave it. She does so much better when she’s happy. I want her to be happy, even if she decides to stay with her. I want her to be herself with no regard of what people will think/say/feel. I don’t think she knows what true freedom feels like but I know her heart yearns for it. She thought she was saving me, I wanted to save her, and we almost killed each other.

 Just a moment of reflection.

#Shrek4 #Shrek #Shrek2 #PrincessFiona #ShrekForeverAfter #Fiona #MikeMyers #DreamWorks

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Nykieria Chaney, Fred Hampton Stage Play, Black Playwrights,  Zora Neale Hurston Play, Fred Hampton, Black Writers, Black DiBlrectors, Women in Film, Black Playwrights for hire, Black broadway plays, N. Chaney, Nykieria, #FredHampton, #FredHamptonStagePlay, #FredHamptonPlay #ZoraNealeHurston #ZoraNealeHurstonPlay #WomeninFilm #NykieriaChaney #NChaney #BlackPlaywrights #BlackWriters #BlackDirectors #BlackCreators #BlackOwnedBusiness #BlackProductionCompanies #NDCProductions #TheChairman The Chairman #ZoraLetThePeopleSing